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| Thursday, July 9th, 2009 | | 11:43 am |
books
Last night I attended a local book club that chose to read "The Inter-Twinning" for their June book. I was invited to listen to their discussion about it and sign copies, watching while massive amounts of brie and wine and M&Ms were consumed--talk about an honor for me! It was the first book club (that I know of) to have read one of my books, and the first time I got to sit in with a group where I didn't have to give them their first introduction to it--great fun! It was also interesting to get the perspectives of people I don't know well (and in most cases with this group--not at all) and to hear their questions about it. Though they didn't bring up anything that I haven't already addressed in "T.L.o.E." (unbeknownst to them), it really makes me want to get going and release this next book as soon as I can. Still aiming for September publication and editing is going well--not a lot of changes but some holes that needed filling in. I love how the mysteries of stories I write fall into place and the pieces all come together sometimes! It is so much like when the reader reads the story for the first time--it is all new to me as well, and these discoveries are so refreshing! I love having an idea come that ties parts together, especially when I can say "OH!!! So THAT'S how that happened!" or "That's why person x did that/went there/said that/killed person y"....etc. etc. So, more to come on "T.L.o.E." soon... Other than that, just getting ready to head out to San Diego for the Comic Con--11 days away! I'll be having a signing while in CA (not at the convention and heck if I can remember if I mentioned it already!). Most likely it will be on Tuesday, 7/28 in the late afternoon/evening and it will be held at the San Diego Lapidary Society: 5654 Mildred St. San Diego, if you're in the area. I'll be giving out massive amounts of postcards while at the con with the information for the signing on it. I'll have copies of "Awakening Alice ~*~ A Ticket for Patience" and "The Inter-Twinning" with me...hopefully I will sell at least a few. If anyone sees this, will be there, wants to go, I'd love to know so I can be on the look out... Current Mood:  chipperCurrent Music: Clinic-Harmony | | Monday, June 29th, 2009 | | 2:18 pm |
The Labyrinth of Empty--Update
Yesterday I finished draft 1 of "The Labyrinth of Empty". I feel so detached from it compared to the last book, it is aggravating. I have no idea why this is, other than the fact that I typed nearly all of it straight into the computer rather than hand-writing it, which is how I prefer to do it. I guess there's much to be said about the pen being mightier in that respect. I also didn't go back and re-read much more than a paragraph at a time (and only for the purpose of picking up where I left off--usually I read and read and dwell and get absorbed in what I have so far...), and even though this was "advised", I think it did more harm than good. It left me with a fragmented, flighty and over-all lacking novel. I hope that I can repair this once I've read through it and I hope that I will be able to fill out the otherwise hollowness of it that I feel so far. I can say on an up note: I about bawled through the ending! Not that that sounds like much of an "up" thing, but if it can affect me, it will affect everyone else (most likely), and if I can't capture through content, well maybe I can wallop on the emotions. (Sorry Ed--I know you hate it when my writing makes you weepy. I'll print your copy out on kleenex!) I know I have a lot of work ahead of me on this one. I keep trying not to think it's fallen into the 'sophomore slump' category, but since another book is already brewing in my mind, I can't help but to feel this way. I hope it doesn't let anyone down... Current Mood:  disappointedCurrent Music: Keane | | Sunday, June 21st, 2009 | | 12:32 pm |
connect
A field cleared and fresh, full of people in midnight darkness—all there for the same purpose. Torchlight scattered and scarce but hardly missed as the ethereal and rhythmic music carries all, and there is no need for seeing. Among others on the cool hillside, but I am invited to dance more closely to where the music is played. I go, partnered with the warrior I have never known… The live music played in my dream early this morning was of Loreena McKennett. It could be that I have been listening to her more recently and now I have her catalogued in my subconscious reserves. And the dancing, the field and the warrior—from an experiment I conducted last night using my Psycards… It occurred to me this morning that every time I am writing something whether it is a book that has a destined purpose or it is a years-in-the-making story no one will ever see but me, there is always music. There is always a song that catches me, hooks me and I swim through every note and loop and bar like a winged gymnast. It carries the tone and the mood throughout the entire book until it is done. If I am lucky, there is more than one piece that will do this to me. I embrace these songs, I revel in them and wring them dry and let the magic of them mix into my words. I used to think that it was entirely my mind doing this—I made the connections and I reaped what they offered. This morning I have decided that it is not a solo ability to do this. All artists work and create on different planes outside of “reality”, and so we must be constantly crossing paths with one another on these waves of energy. It is not that a certain song hits my imagination just right and I run with it, but rather the song discovers me. The musician—or other inspiring muse, on that other-worldly level takes an interest in what is being created and gives their permission to receive those magical threads that just don’t get through to everyone… Maybe that is true and maybe it is not. I tend to think it is, for this simple question: how else do we dream of, or create people we have never known or met? Our minds are built to hold infinite amounts of information, but there are some things that cannot be stored in those recesses—otherwise, that feeling that I feel when I hear a certain song would be there forever…and yet most times it fades after its purpose and it never comes back… Current Music: Controlled Bleeding--Tormentor's Song | | Friday, June 19th, 2009 | | 9:30 pm |
The Labyrinth of Empty--update
I have surpassed 38,000 words on this book. That is past the half-way mark of my goal for words, and leaves only 25,000 to go. If I wanted to rely on trend, I could tell myself that in 12 days I will be done and wouldn't that work out perfectly for this 30 day feat?....Not likely. I do feel like I've gotten past the "wall" though and I'm feeling a little shell-shocked for it. The ideas are trickling in. I am finding the challenge with this book to have a lot to do with the fact that it is 70% narrative so far. I usually have a great mix of narrative and dialogue and so the struggle is far more mild--rule #394: get stuck, throw in witty dialogue. I can't do that so much this time around, and instead I have to be the reader's eyes, describing EVERYTHING. Well, enough complaining on that. It's nice to say that I am finding that listening to my iPod during twilight sleep has been surprisingly helpful...Back to it. Current Music: Keane-We might as well be strangers | | Sunday, June 14th, 2009 | | 6:08 pm |
brain ache
I have been working daily on "The Labyrinth of Empty" since the first and while I can honestly say that I've stuck to it, I still feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water on it. Right at the moment (and there are still a few writing-worthy hours left of the day), I'm up to about 28 thousand and a half. Not quite half done, at least according to my goal word count. I have done the usual in chapter hopping, and I know that I have 5 chapters that I haven't even touched yet, so it is reassuring to remember that. I know I am just hitting that "Week Two Wall", and I just have to find a way over, under, around or through it. In about four days I'll be doing much better...Let's hope. There is a part of me that is not thrilled that I chose to make a 30 day race of this book, but then again--it doesn't have to be FINALIZED by the end of June, just ready for massive additives and renovations. Even "The Inter-Twinning" got two months of primping. Still... Yesterday Lucien, superfin (ed) and parrish_relics (jen)and I went into Boston to the Early Music Festival. We got in late in the afternoon, saw some of the participants from the Gay Pride Day parade and festivities milling about. It was such a great day weather-wise and I am so glad I remembered to bring a parasol! The Boston Commons are in full bloom, it's looking gorgeous and had there been more time, I would have insisted on sitting in it for a few just to take it all in. (We definitely need to have more picnics this year!!) Then we headed up and down Newbury Street and picked up Jen and Ed's friend Cal (an inspiring party for one of my twins, though she doesn't know it yet!). I spent money on things I probably don't "need", though I can certainly use. That qualifies as worthy in my mind! If you ever find yourself asking "can I ever have too many black shirts/tank tops/camisoles?"--the answer is no. You can't. I digress... So yesterday wrapped up most pleasantly. I also added another Parrish Relic to my collection, and put in a special request for another. (Today I ordered a special display for them all so I can have them out and look at them all the time!) Maybe after it is done, I'll tell Jen what it represents...!! I will be sure to wear my red arch window this week to work and flaunt it mercilessly to all those who see and envy it!! I look at the clock on my computer and see that it says 6:27pm. How can that be when it only feels as late as maybe 2pm? Time is seeming more and more irrelevant to my own internal clock lately. It is because I am either mastering time control or taking on sun-downers and I'm about to flip-flop my days and nights...whichever helps me to write more, I'll just go with it! Current Mood: stuckCurrent Music: Controlled Bleeding--"Our Journey's End" | | Saturday, June 6th, 2009 | | 10:06 pm |
pleasant day
So the book signing was not as I had hoped it would be in the respect that many people who said they'd show, didn't. Well, what do you expect--it was a very nice day out in our area and I'm sure many people forgot/lost track of time/nursed hangovers/etc. I did not sell out this time which is good for the several people who have contacted me asking for copies of the book! So--if you're one and you know who you are, your copy will be making its way to you soon. I did sell some, which is better than none so no crying there. All was not a loss however: I was the only returning author on the panel and all store involved persons were joyous at my repeat performance. In fact, I may now have some solid connections for distribution, and other possible opportunities. More on that coming. I found out as well that my copies of "Awakening Alice ~*~ A Ticket for Patience" that were left behind at the bookstore for them to sell, were indeed sold and can I please bring in more?? Much success in that respect! Our picnic was great fun (they usually are!)--we went to Glen Magna in Danvers, MA--the weather was perfect, sunshine, crazy scary white geese (thankfully locked up in a pen!!), chipmunks, sheep, iced tea-drunken ants, etc....Some of the most pleasant company one could hope for and as always great food. The social part of the day ended with a little cafe hopping and now Lucien and I are home to work on projects. A well-made-use-of Saturday, to be sure! | | 10:08 am |
13,752 and counting
I had some super colorful but very strange dreams this morning about today: I was the first person to the book store and noticed right away that they had posted up a two page newspaper article of February's signing (I looked in a week's worth of papers--there was no such write up), and in addition to that, there were 8x10" photos of myself and the other authors in it. It should have tipped me off that this was a dream when I half noticed that I was entering through the store's back entrance and in my newspaper photo I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looked like I was a dumpy 1980's 13 year old (true). I made my way to my table, realized i forgot all of my books and had to go back home to get them: on foot, walking down very steep city street hills and back up them...there was hardly any traffic but there was a 5 year old girl having a temper tantrum on one corner. When I passed by her and she started screaming (of which she did a verbal count down warning to), I screamed along with her just to give some emphasis to her campaign, whatever it was. (Something about buying feathers and she wasn't allowed...). So books retrieved and I made it back to the book store Just in time, grabbed a glass of iced tea that poured out as plain water and got myself to my seat. I remember passing by one of the other tables of authors and thinking "I hope they don't think I'm a snob for not saying hello, but I am holding up progress!". While the introductions were given, I decided it might be good to check my books (fortunately I really did this Weeks ago!!!!) to be sure they were okay: well they were NOT> someone at the publishing company took it upon themselves to print out my books in several different formats: a long, skinny version that was about 8x3", some 8x10's and my favorite--the 8x8". As though that wasn't enough, they were also illustrated in shades of red and gray and looked a whole lot like children's books. They were also pretty thin with very large font so I imagine they were horribly abridged! I wouldn't mind having a copy of that for myself just because, but in this case they were unsellable. And the drawings didn't match the story...a little troubling as can be imagined. The dream sort of fell apart by then and so I didn't have to face the horrors of what could have happened when I began to speak...,.I wonder how today will go?!?! I did add a minimal amount to "The Labyrinth of Empty" last night before sleeping--why could I not have dreamed of those things instead? Well, however it goes, Lucien, Ed (superfin), Jen (parrish_relics) and two of our other friends will be meeting up afterward for the first picnic of the year. Quite over due but it's always Mother Nature's call! Hopefully the clouds will burn off soon... | | Friday, June 5th, 2009 | | 11:15 am |
Promises, promises
As promised, I started "The Labyrinth of Empty" this past Monday (6/1). I have been carrying on rather well with it so far and at the end of day four, I was up to over 12,500 words. The goal is to finish it off at around 60,000, because that seems to be a good size book, and I like things to match, etc. along with other already existing things(Like the last book I did). The only struggle I have been having so far is that I just cannot seem to get enough into my own head (for a long enough period of time) to really get into the "zone". I am not sure what the distractions are, or if I'm not listening to the right music while I'm writing...or if it is as simple as my needing a vacation (45 more days!) and my mind is just saying "Girl, you're DONE. Go have a nap.". I will keep at it because I am already many steps ahead of where I was on Day 4 of my last book!! And I have to admit: it has been fun so far!! More soon.... PS--mamabeaks, I'll be wearing my Twins bracelets tomorrow for "The Inter-Twinning" signing! :D | | Sunday, May 31st, 2009 | | 4:06 pm |
the color purple
And so what is it about purple? Or plum or violet for that matter? For a libra, it is listed as one of the colors we should wear or surround ourselves with. It is a color that represents royalty because of the rare shells the Romans made dye from. It is the color that keeps popping up in my sewing projects and in objects that I dream about... As shown by the previous post, the Serafina Pekkala costume is done, done, done and Lucien and I did the photo shoot for it this morning in the blinding sun. I do not hope to get caught up with that much chiffon for a long while! But I do hope that it is well recieved at the Comic Con this July!! SDCC it is all for you!! Along the same vein (colorwise speaking), I started a dress--for the heck of it and so I would have something to wear next weekend for book signing #2. It's purple. I finished it today, thankfully and now I don't have to look at it for a few days. (Let it be known--again--I don't care much for installing zippers!) I'll have photos up of that due to the signing. Tomorrow is a big day for me, if all goes according to plan: I will be starting my next book. Want a teaser? Okay--here you go: it's called "The Labyrinth of Empty". If you haven't read "The Inter-Twinning" yet, you're probably going to want to do it soon...if that doesn't give you any indication of anything, well then I suppose you haven't paid much attention to mentioned obsessions... Baby stepping updates to come... Current Music: coldplay--talk | | 11:08 am |
Serafina Pekkala complete
 More photos available on facebook for now. (Hard to believe there is somewhere around 30 yards of fabric here.) | | Saturday, May 30th, 2009 | | 9:17 pm |
| | Monday, May 25th, 2009 | | 12:57 pm |
dream scavenge
Just remembering little bits of a dream I had early this morning: an heirloom piece of jewelry that transformed itself in my hand--was a filigree locket with a family photo in it, then a pocket watch...I handed it over for special alteration and it was returned to me with a flat heart-faceted amethyst attached to its shell, the word "fille" engraved onto it in scrolly script, though poorly spelled instead as "fie"...turns out that fie means "trust"....you can't get anymore straight-forward than that. Current Mood: daydreamyCurrent Music: VHS or Beta | | Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 | | 10:33 am |
New news on projects and a creativity love
In addition to the book signing at Cornerstone Books (6/6), I was just informed that my place of employment has a book club and they will be reading and discussing "The Inter-Twinning". I will be there to sign copies and hopefully get to sit in and answer questions if any arise. WOW--of all things book-related, I guess I never really thought about any of my works being discussed in a club! Very exciting for me! Of course, along with this goes several more sales! "The Inter-Twinning" seems to be selling itself--which is fortunate as my advertisement skills have been a little on the sleepy side. I am so looking forward to seeing the success of this baby grow...as well, the closer June 1st gets, the more excited I am to begin my next book...If only I could say more on it... The costume for Serafina Pekkala is 90% done. Aside from some very minor sewing and some less than daunting bead work, it should wrap up in a snap! Other than the lack of ambition (or maybe energy--it's been a VERY busy week work-wise)I stand a great chance of getting the entire costume done before the end of May... This past Thursday night and on a most spontaneous spree, Lucien and I were able to see Keane play in Boston. WHAT A PERFECT SHOW!!! We had great seats, the weather was gorgeous, I got the most adorable t-shirt (that oddly I saw not a single other person with) and not until the very last song did I have an oblivious taller person standing in front of me. Excellent concert experience! It was a real treat for me to be able to see them (I knew they were coming to our area in February, but was really uncertain about being able to go), because I owe so much of the energy put into "The Inter-Twinning" to their music...Hopefully some day they will know that. I don't know if other people feel this way but I believe "artists inspiring artists" to be one of the most powerful forces on this planet: and nothing negative can come of that... Current Mood: calmCurrent Music: Tori Amos--Strong Black Vine | | Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 | | 7:57 am |
Hiatus return
Sorry for the long time in between posts--hard to believe it's only been 5 weeks because it feels longer to me! Anyway: ON BOOKS: I am having a book signing at Cornerstone Books in Salem, MA on June 6th from 1p-2:30p for "The Inter-Twinning". If you're in the area please come by!! It is the plan to have a signing in San Diego as well, probably July 27th. Time and place to be announced, so if you are in that area at the time, I hope you will join me! I will be handing out postcards for "The Inter-Twinning" at the convention with the information on them. I will also have "Awakening Alice ~*~ A Ticket for Patience" as well as "The Inter-Twinning" for purchase and signing. More on that to come... On June 1st, I will be starting my next book. It is at this moment top secret as far as plot and title, etc. go, but I hope to do another 30 day crash course since it went so well for "The Inter-Twinning" last November. Hold tight for that one! I am quite excited about it myself!! ON COSTUMES: The Sky Diver costume is done and has since been shipped out to CA for the San Diego Comic Con. I didn't take photos of myself in it, unfortunately (WHAT was i thinking???) but I will post pictures of it on snailpie.com before the con starts. Along the same convention line: I am still working on my final costume for this year's attendance--"Serafina Pekkala". I am about 50% done (maybe more, as it just seems like a big spread-out chiffon monster of wonder right now!) Photos will be posted of that as well, including ones of me wearing it. I have my costuming portfolio almost ready. I will also be putting one together of all of the dolls I've made (Closed Casket Dolls and the others), since I guess it is important for a future costume designer to be known to construct on all size levels. Speaking of the Closed Casket Dolls--3 of them are up on Etsy.com for sale. I posted one Lady Jane Gray, one Marie Antoinette and one Anne Boleyn. They are all posted on snailpie.com (those 3 and more) if any interest is aroused. I will do those on commission for special requests if desired. Current Mood: busyCurrent Music: The Charlatans--Blacked Blue Eyes | | Wednesday, April 1st, 2009 | | 4:50 pm |
| | Saturday, March 28th, 2009 | | 9:06 am |
waiting, working, winding
I am still waiting for proof #2 of "The Inter-Twinning" to get here so I can go through it and be sure it is up to par. It should have gotten here yesterday, but perhaps today. I am still trying to stick to the early April release, as promised. I finished my "Sky Diver" Steampunk costume for the SDCC last weekend. It came out 98% well. I will be shipping that, the Time Jumper costume and my boots for the Sky Diver out to my dad. He will be fitting my boots for "spurs", but needs to have the actual boots. As it was such a chore to carry the Time Jumper gown back and forth last year, it will be nice to just get the whole lot of it out there to him at once! I did take photos of the costume for my portfolio (which I need to get to working on!!!) and I will post those either on myspace or facebook (or both) in the next few weeks. I am not sure if I will have a chance to put the get-up on and get photos of it on me, but there will plenty of chance for that at the con--besides, it won't be complete without the spurs and the rifle (in construction progress!) I just wanted to mention that Louie is sitting under my chair here in the dining room and she is chattering at the birds outside! I haven't really heard her do that for a while: spring is here!!!! I think it's amusing. This weekend is the Literary Festival in Salem, MA. Lucien and I will be stopping by the History Press table to visit my cousin Jonathan and amuse him for a bit. I hear that there will be dream interpretations going on in the same part of the Old Town Hall--I could certainly give them a thing or two to interpret!!! Speaking of which: the night before last, I dreamed that I was cutting my own hair. Not terribly unusual for me, but it was as though I was a different person, hovering over Me as I slept, and I remember lifting long tresses of my locks and cutting through them. The pleasant thing about it (however strange it was) was that I looked peaceful and beautiful, and once my hair was cut, each tress of it curled perfectly on the end. I never even budged during it...Last night the dreams were very active as well, but I only remember bolts and bolts of pink lace stacked up and sitting in a rack. Okay, I remember more than that, but it was the only element worthy of mention. Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Kaiser Chiefs | | Friday, March 20th, 2009 | | 10:30 am |
Book status
So the ABNA quarterfinals have passed and I was not chosen. I was highly advised that the entire thing is "rigged" (as a shorter way to say "the people reading the pitches are probably reading hundreds a day and they get tired after reading 4 of them and so they're not really paying attention" as well as "they're looking for something to fit a specific demographic--ie. ANOTHER vampire/divorce/shopping/whining 40-somethings-I-drive-a-mini-van-and-sec retly-hate-my-family-because-they-leave-m e-unfulfilled-but-I-take-no-responsibili ty-for-my-actions-give-me-another-martin i plotted rag". To this I say: I cannot help it if I don't write garbage, that I take pride in my books and think that "The Inter-Twinning" just might be "too good" to have to go through a Breakthrough competition. Sore loser? No. It just boils down to this: I was a little irked by the fact that awaiting the quarterfinals resulted in my being a month behind in my plans for my book. But the up side to it is that it gave me another chance to read through it. Not having picked it up for several weeks, I was able to edit with fresher eyes and found some things to fine-tune. I also got impatient about a week ago and ordered a proof copy (just to see how it looks...GREAT, in case you're wondering). For the past few days, I've been making my little edits and made the cover more like how I wanted it to be (formatting blah-blahs). I have another proof on the way now with my changes and by this time next week, I should be able to tell if it's ready to go. And then: get my ISBN (5 days) and I will announce its availability to you!! I am also aiming to have a signing for this one on the Spring authors panel at Cornerstone Books in Salem, so as long as I make their deadline (not sure when it is) I will be there. If not, then summer it is! Current Mood: busyCurrent Music: The Charlatans--"The Misbegotten" | | Sunday, March 8th, 2009 | | 8:24 pm |
reporting in
Not so riveting, but it makes me feel like I accomplished something: I finished reading "Alice's Adventures in Cambridge" sometime early last week. It is a parody of "Alice in Wonderland" but takes place in Cambridge, MA and in the Harvard area. It was a quick read (not to be confused with "quick reader" of which I am not) and though I probably got.... ZERO of the jokes in there, it was still witty and fun. It reminded me of the 3rd or 4th time I read Lewis Carroll's work--the time it did NOT make sense to me. Can't say why reading "A.I.W." made sense at one point and then didn't and then did again...you figure it out. I think that was what made it sort of charming ("A.I.C.", I am talking about). I have also gone back to reading and am about 30 pages from finishing "Blind Voices". I figured I was close enough the end of it to do a little review and opinion bit, and I will still finish it. Firstly: there is NO way I could possibly have read this cover to cover when I was younger. There were vast chunks in the beginning and now in the last third of the book that I recall absolutely nothing about. It isn't that it wouldn't have been memorable, but seriously--it would have started to click while reading it this time around and instead I feel like I've had a case of literary amnesia with it! I guess I only read the juicy part when I was in my impressionable years...go figure. (I wonder how I was able to pick it out without reading...well, Any of the rest of the book!!??) Aside from two HUGE continuity errors, it is a pretty interesting read. (The mushy romantic stuff is not too well written though...sorry Tom Reamy, god rest your soul.) Done GREAT on the auctions for twins photos this weekend. Should have a slew of those coming in the next 2 weeks! YAY me. Last night Lucien and I went into Stoneham to see our friends superfin and parrish_relics (our Ed and Jenjen to us), and we had a little visit so I could give loves to Bonnie--our sweet ol' gal. Also loves to Finny, visiting Roxy, Viola and then Sidney and Galatea from across the room. Then we headed into to big town for a reading performance by Catherynne Valente, of her book "Palimpsest". Super not important observation but unnerving enough to make me want to mention it: I have 3 Little Apple Dolls. I just recently acquired the twin set (Creo and Pestis) and had to do some rearranging of my studio surface space to accommodate them all. If you do not know the stories of the Little Apple Dolls, the gist is this: they are children who have died in some tragic form or another and they are caught in the "In Between", not really realizing what has happened to them. Each doll comes with her own story and they are all so tragic. I noticed as I was taking them from the box that it was like putting them through further torture. They had zip ties around their necks to hold them into the box and I nearly busted my scissors trying to cut through the ties--I had a horrible envisionment of strangling these poor dolls while doing it. As if that is not enough, their long hair was held together (so as not to get messy in the box, I presume)between two pieces of thin plastic which are sewn on each side of the hair. Twice. While trying to get this nearly invisible garbage out of their hair, I imagined what it would be like, trying to get that stuff out of a real little girl's hair...there would have been a lot of screaming and crying. I hope they are a lot more peaceful now that they are standing up on my dresser with three of their other sisters... While Lucien and I took a walk today, we saw a bunch of crocuses...YAY--SPRING?!?!? One last thought: Whenever I dream of traveling (as I did last night), and of a place in proximity to another, or of the Virgin Mary Shrine/cemetery my grandmother is buried in (though she was never buried there nor was she Catholic) it is always accompanied by a very odd sensation that I cannot describe beyond "melancholy" or "forelorn yearning". Maybe it's "nostalgia" or "hope" or "fear". Whatever it is, I wonder why I don't feel that way about those same places when I'm awake. I wonder if that is what parallel universes are made of and that is what it is like to cross over into them. As nerve-tingling as those emotions are in the dreams, I almost prefer them to realistic indifference. Current Mood: thoughtfulCurrent Music: Coldplay--"Brothers and Sisters" | | Saturday, March 7th, 2009 | | 1:09 pm |
spring ahead?
It is hard to let go of a finished project when it isn't completely put to bed. That is what is happening right now with "The Inter-Twinning". I know the waiting is for potential good, but it makes it so hard to have closure so I can move on to other things. How stupid to feel this way, when I begin to think of the multiple boxes that I have crammed full of unfinished stories. Like "Hope". I should be clawing at the walls to get that one done! But I'm not. Nor am I for any other. It is almost as though I am afraid of my own projects. Sewing ones are falling to this mock phobia as well (as I feel as though I've mentioned a million times). Still, the best I can do right now is to force myself to write out the most summarized of summaries for my memoirs. That alone should get me going, as they aren't your typical memoirs, but rather the most terrifying, creepy, funny, ridiculous, breathtaking and cute memories from my pre-twenties that I can recall. I will make a point to mention that they are MY memories as they are "recalled" and not as they "really were", so as not to create any uproars. I have also decided that the only names that will be mentioned are those of my siblings--unless anyone from my years 1-20 notifies me and says "Please mention my name! I won't hold you responsible for slander!", in which case I will happily include them. For the most part there isn't anything that can be considered pointedly negative, so I'm really not concerned about that. I do think that I need to have a pow wow with my siblings for the ultimate in brainstormage, so I am sure not to leave any of the details out. Not sure when that will be... Today is one of the warmest days we've had this winter, promising spring at the rate that the birds are twittering (sans cell phones) and flying about. I haven't been out in it yet, but as Lucien and I are meeting up with our Ed and Jenjen for an event this evening, at least I know I'll get myself out of the house for that! I really do hope that the nicer, warmer weather will bring more motivation and less agoraphobia: I really need a change of scenery and some inspiration! And I am long over-due for a vacation. Going back to the writing: As my twins photo log has grown (I think I'm up to 60 photos?), and so many of them are unidentified, perhaps as a writing exercise I should name and make up little stories for them (I used to do it to people when I would go out to clubs, and sadly, my lives for them were probably a lot more interesting...). Most likely no one would see these stories...but if they are good enough, maybe... It has been a strange week otherwise and my own mortality via other sources keeps getting shoved into my face and my thoughts. A good co-worker friend of mine just lost her husband to cancer. He was in his mid-50's and was diagnosed on Christmas Eve. Lucien and I saw "Watchmen" last night, which (where in the world is she going with this??? you're thinking) brought a lot of after-life and so forth sort of thoughts to mind. These are the kinds I hate, like when I realize that "north" is really only north because humans came up with that concept. If you stepped out away from the earth and looked "down", you'd see nothing but stars and stars and stars. There is no "north" in that sense. And my conscious mind--when I die, am I going to lose all of my thoughts and my beliefs and my sense of who I am? I guess that starts getting into theological speculations, and unfortunately they don't stave off the little terrors I get. I try not to dwell, because I get nowhere with it. | | Sunday, March 1st, 2009 | | 11:42 am |
Sunday, it is
More snow is falling and it's Sunday. Two dismal combinations. I say that about Sundays only because they lead to going back to a very unstable job the following morning... Days ticking by at warp speed in regards to having to get sewing projects done. Why can't I seem to budge on this? I feel like I don't even want to go near them or touch them! Really, they can't be that difficult and "JUST DO IT!!!" does nothing for me. On the other hand: time drags as I wait for March 16th to arrive. It will be the first update from the ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards) competition, and let me know whether or not "The Inter-Twinning" is still in the running. I hope it was not a mistake to enter. I want and need to have my book out so I can see the accomplished result of it. That does help to inspire more!! In the meantime, I have a few little writing ideas swirling around in my head, but nothing tangible enough to jot down just yet. Yesterday, Lucien and two of our friends and I went up to Gloucester. I wanted to go to one of their antique stores and hunt for more twin photos--I found two. Among the four boxes of pictures I rifled through, I also found photos of: a young boy dressed like Beethoven; a toddler standing on a chair; another toddler standing on a chair but dressed head to toe in blond shearling and fur; a silent film star; a post-mortem baby with a most forlorn expression; a young chap with a sharp mustache; a 19-teens beautiful young woman who resembled Paula Cole and looked as though she was ready for an Egyptian expedition to find the Mummy; an albino; and a baby wearing only one shoe. While these were all very interesting to say the least, I am stumped as to why the baby with only one shoe was wearing Only One Shoe! Is this a photographer's trademark? Was the other one being bronzed at the time? The bare foot was not blurred so it didn't appear through the long exposure as though the baby kicked it off. Did this signify a bastard child? Or a twin who lost their sibling? Was the baby missing a foot? And if that were the case--why not put shoes on both feet? Were the shoes given to the baby by Great Aunt Gertrude and one lost along the way to the photography studio, but the parents were spineless and didn't want the Aunt to think they didn't like the shoes?? Did a dog eat it? Was it left behind in a pram? Did it get donated to a spider baby? I am puzzled. Any theories are welcome! I would love to know why this was! All in all, it was a nice day out. And I got to re-tell the "mysterious pile of charred doll remains" story to those who were with me. Current Mood:  confused |
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